why do I want to stay?

I know not what i am
I know only that i can never really be
what i want to be
or set out to see what i want to see

i seek salvation
i seek admiration
i know i cannot get them
both in unison

i want someone
who can understand me
i need someone to
come and save me

sometimes i want to get up
and leave everything behind
sometimes i want to embrace
the world and everything in it

I think it through
I wonder everyday
I want to go away
But why do I want to stay?

The things people say...

Passing by a group of people, you can't help overhearing a few words here and there. Incomplete statements or stray phrases heard out of context can turn out to be very amusing. Especially when the person saying it is also in a state of animation. Such instances give you a lot of insight about people in general. Most of the times the conversations are light hearted, mindless banter. But sometimes you end up hearing something really nasty. Things get worse if the statements happen to be about you. What should you do then? You can't ignore it. You can't act as if it never happened. And you sure can't forget about it. What must you do then?

I say we ought to make the most of the opportunity. You found out something about yourself that you weren't aware of. It gives you a chances to analyse yourself. Maybe, without realising it, you have developed a habit or behaviour that does more harm than good. Or one which needs to be modified. That criticism can be handled.

Now for the next question. What can you do if what you've heard is something you don't have any control over? Some say why worry about something you don't have any control over? But then it does sadden you to know how people form opinions about other people blatantly disregarding their abilities (or inabilities). They openly bad mouth the person or make fun of them. It saddens you to know how insensitive people are towards people who are not like them, or are unlike anything they have ever seen or met before.

Why must we all fit into a known mould to be accepted or appreciated? Why can't we tolerate diversity?

Why am I an Athiest?

Why am I an Athiest? is a famous essay written by Shaheed Bhagat Singh while he was in prison in 1930. Its a long essay but worth a read. Those who cannot decide why you need to be spiritual or even if you are spiritual, or even those who need to reaffirm their faith.

The Mahatma or the Martyr?

With whose principles of freedom struggle would you agree more: Mahatma Gandhi or Bhagat Singh?

I came across this question recently and was forced into a situation where I had to answer it. I pondered over it for a long time before attempting to write down my thoughts. A lot of us would be stumped if they had to choose. They were both radical in their own spheres. Both of them put their country before anything else. Both were willing to sacrifice their lives for their country. How then will you choose?

The principles that drove Mahatma Gandhi and Bhagat Singh were similar, if not same. The differences in their actions were governed by the choices they made. The differences in choices were in turn due to the difference in their backgrounds, basic personality and most importantly, age. The outcomes of those differences were results of circumstances.

Bhagat Singh attempted to kill the police chief who'd severly beaten Lala Lajpat Rai during the protests against the Simon Comminssion. He ended up killing J. P. Saunders, the Deputy Superitendant of Police. His decision to assassinate in response to Lala Lajpat Rai's death was prompted by anger and frustration, typical of the youth and driven by his take-action personality. He probably did not allow himself to think of the repercussions of his actions and its possible impact on the larger freedom struggle. When on trial, he admitted to the assassination which shows his conviction towards truth, a well known Gandhian principle. Also Bhagat Singh went on a hunger strike while in jail, a tool largely attributed to Mahatma Gandhi, to fight for prisoner rights.

On the other hand, Mahatma Gandhi's insistence of non violence was a result of a more mature outlook and a better understanding of the people. His "Discovery of India" is a shining example of that. He was known to do extensive research on any subject before adopting it as a principle. It was after such extensive research that he closed on the concept of non violence.

Circumstances forced both these men to modify their principles from time to time. Mahatma Gandhi on one hand called off the Non Cooperation Movement after the Chauri Chaura incident in 1922. On the other hand he did not stop the Quit India movement despite individual acts of violence in 1942. Bhagat Singh was, likewise, driven by circumstances from non violent non cooperation to more radical ideologies.

The Jallianwala Babh Massacre did not occur in Gandhiji's community when he was a child. Similarly, Bhagat Singh was not sent to London during his impressionable years. To me therefore, both these personalities are an essential part of the freedom struggle. They both, together, completed the picture, a wise old man on one hand and an enthusiastic, often impulsive youth on the other.

Jhoom Barabar Jhoom (JBJ)

Don't expect this movie to knock your socks off. Chances are you'll feel like ripping your hair off while watching it. You'll wonder where the story is (its been submerged so well beneath the songs).

Now don't get me wrong. I'm a hindi movie fan, have been since I was a child. I've grown up watching Ram Lakhan and Mr. India and the likes. I'm used to people breaking into a song at the drop of a hat. It is often a welcome digression from the story line (except if its supposed to be a nail biting thriller, that's when you hate getting interrupted, unless of course the protagonist hopes to accomplish something while singing and dancing).

Now JBJ is not a hindi movie. It's been made in hindi of course, but its not your typical hindi movie(I know, I know, that's what they all say). It has got "international" written all over it. With the turn of the century Yash Raj movies has discovered a new market. It is called a home sick-rootless-NRI genre. They first realised (with movies like Hum Tum) that their movies do really well abroad, especially in UK. Now they have started making movies especially for those audiences. JBJ and Ta Ra Rum Pum are two such movies. They don't do well in India. But that doesn't matter. They weren't made for India anyway. They are made to cater to Indians sitting in UK and USA. Anything you earn in India is bonus. They've gotten so good at it, they can now make the foreigners do perfect bhangra!

Who says bollywood doesn't compare with hollywood? Bollywood has more diversity than Hollywood ever did. One one hand we have people making movies like "Aap Ka suroor" for rickshaw audiences(which I'm sure will be a stupendous success). One the other hand we have Yash Raj and Karan Johar making movies for the NRI genre (which can easily spill over to capture curious firangs). My point is that while we still have a long way to go before we make a money spinner as big as Spiderman, we aren't doing that bad either. The need of the hour is not to blindly follow the hollywood way of life but to use our awareness to merge the best of both worlds. We mustn't forget that a hindi movie will always be watched by hindi speaking audiences. And most of them don't know what Matrix is. They'd much rather watch the hero throwing a soda bottle at the villain which finds its mark after turning a bend in the street.

dedicated to my college friends...

four years of college...
seemed like an eternity when we started out,
they ended in a flash
with a blink of an eye the moments passed

just a few days ago i had moved into a new city
from a remote village you couldn't point on a map
to the capital of the country
it was a huge leap but i made the gap

instead of being overwhelmed
i've made it my home.
i've found friendship
i've found love
i've found memories to fill an album

the memories are so fresh today
they will fade away with time
what will remain
is the euphoria they leave behind

i don't know where i'll go from here
what i have to do in life
i don't know if it'll be a breeze
or if i'll have to strive

i know just that the time i spent
and the moments i lived through
were meant for me as much as you

i loved, i lost, i cried and i fought
its was all worthwhile...
it was everything i sought

more sher-o-shayari

mulaquat ke raaste nazar nahi aate
par vasl ka armaan sajaye baithe hai.N
mudh kar hamain delhte bhi nahi wo
ham hi unse dil lagaye baithe hai.N

[vasl: meeting]

sochte the dil-e-ranjish chupana hamein hi ada hua hai
lekin shayar-e-sanam tujhe kya hua hai
wo ehsaas jo hamne kabhi bayaan na kiya the
unhe tune har nazm main rachaya hua hai